Curling his lip at being called 'dearest', Hyuk-jae finished his tea. "I'm sorry," he said again, feeling helpless. Once the tea was gone he was on his feet, putting his boots on and getting ready to leave. His boyfriend continued to try to comfort him, but it was really a waste of time.

No matter what Nagisa said, he knew it was really still his fault. If he'd never taken Yoshida as a client this wouldn't have happened. Hyuk-jae knew it, and he knew Nagisa knew it. As they stepped outside he took a breath. It was so early! They were missing out of hours of work. Orange eyes cut to the side in a guilty glance, and he apologized yet again.

"Do you want to get take away tonight?"

The very thought of food was nauseating. Hyuk-jae shook his head. "I'm not hungry," he said, even though he knew he ought to eat. It was a relief when Nagisa headed for Hyuk-jae's apartment instead of his own. It wasn't that he didn't like Nagisa's apartment, but the smallness of his was comforting. Silent all the way home, the dark-haired young man walked swiftly and took alleyway shortcuts. As soon as they crossed the threshold he was already unbuttoning his shirt, heading for the shower.

"Do you want me to make you tea?"

The Firebender shook his head. "No. I don't want anything." He dropped his shirt on the floor as he went into the bathroom. Maybe he'd feel better after a shower. Turning the water on full hot, he stood under the stream until it became cold, scrubbing at his skin with what was probably a little excess force. When he emerged, dressed in nothing but his old, soft black trousers, he seemed more sedate — quiet, but not in an urgent way. His eyes were a little red, sure. The shower was the best place for crying, in his opinion. His shoulders were a little red too from scrubbing. He turned the kettle on, setting water to boil. All he had were medicinal teas and genmaicha, but he found genmaicha comforting. Once the heat was on he padded into the living room, looking for Nagisa.

Pushing heavy, damp hair out of his eyes, Hyuk-jae curled up on the sofa next to his boyfriend. His apartment was a lived-in place, with colourful afghans and secondhand family quilts draped over furniture. A carefully restored radio sat on a table in the corner, softly playing music. He assumed Nagisa had turned it on. Lee's present sat on the end table that double-dutied as his nightstand, carefully marked at two chapters in.

Which was worse? Feeling sick and scared or feeling numb? Hyuk-jae wasn't sure. The shaking fear was gone but in its place was a coldness sitting blackly in his stomach. He rolled his earrings in his fingers, eyes hidden beneath long lashes.

The radio story was just ending. Hyuk-jae had heard a few installments of it, about a soldier and his lover. It was terribly romantic, more romantic than Nagisa's comics. He sighed a little, shifting his weight so that he was leaning against Nagisa a little bit.

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Hm?" Hyuk-jae turned his head, looking at Nagisa with wide, confused eyes. "I'm fine," he said. Of course he was fine! Why wouldn't he be fine? Because of tonight, right? "No," he insisted again, "I'm fine." But his boyfriend kept stroking his hair, and for some reason, this time, he wasn't fooled.

"Is there anything I can do?"

The dark-haired young man laid his head in Nagisa's lap. "You're already doing it," he said. It was comforting, being in his own home (his own home!) with his boyfriend (boyfriend!!). The tea kettle whistled and he made a soft whining noise, not wanting to get up. After letting it go on for a minute or two Hyuk-jae pushed himself up with one arm, heading into the kitchen. He made a spare cup of tea for Nagisa, bringing them both back with him.

Curling up, he pulled a patchwork quilt off the back of the sofa and wrapped it around his bare shoulders. Hyuk-jae crossed his feet up under him and blew on the tea. "Did you like the radio show?" he asked, after a moment of silence stretched between them. "I've listened to some of it. It's very romantic, don't you think?" He knew Nagisa liked romances. Actually, he'd picked up a couple books at a secondhand shop to read through before gifting to his boyfriend — wanted to make sure they were, you know, the right sort of novel.

He didn't want to do anything else that evening. He wasn't really tired, either, but going out seemed impossible. Resolving to stay in, he asked Nagisa if he minded a quiet evening just reading and listening to the radio. Truth be told, Hyuk-jae had dreamed sometimes of finding someone to just spend quiet time with. He had a radio or two to tinker with, having bought them broken for a very low price. Fixing them up was fun to him, and selling them after would earn little money.

Pulling out the radios and his tools, Hyuk-jae also put on a shirt since he was in the closet. A soft red flannel, it was something he'd picked up with no intention to wear in front of Nagisa. The younger man likely would find it hideous, but it was comfortable. Tools went out onto the floor, followed by the radios. Hyuk-jae settled himself in with his tea, opening one of them up and having a look in the back. Glancing up, he offered a sweet smile to Nagisa.

"I have books," he said, "if you want."

As Nagisa curled up with one of the Tenoh novels, Hyuk-jae continued tinkering with the radio. The working model moved on to playing music, jazzy dance music, punctuated with advertisments. After about thirty minutes that gave way to a piano hour of soft, pleasant music. Hyuk-jae hummed along with songs he knew, doing this and that with the radio in his hands. His hair, still damp, fell into his face, shading his eyes.

"Varrick Industries asks, are you READY for SOLSTICE? Don't get caught unprepared! Start shopping for Winter Solstice gifts NOW! For the next two months, all Varrick Industries products are thirty percent off! Remember, solstice begins in your heart — and your gift list!"

Looking up at the sound of his name, Hyuk-jae made an "mmmph?" sort of noise. He was holding wires in his mouth, looking a bit like a catfish. To tell the truth, he hadn't really registered the advertisement at all! The music hovered on the edge of his awareness, but the ads flew right past him. He blinked at Nagisa.

"Do you... do you want to come with me to Solstice celebrations at my parents' place? I go every year."

He wanted to take him where? Hyuk-jae remembered celebrating solstice at home with his parents, as a child. Lots of candles. Maybe a duck for dinner. It was always an intimate, small holiday. They spent the fall festivals with aunts and uncles up until Hyuk-jae's teens. Was it like that with every family? If so, Nagisa was asking him to a very small and important holiday. It meant that he was, well. Part of the family.

"Maybe... maybe we can tell them, about, you know, 'us', as well."

Sitting very still, the Firebender stared at his boyfriend. "A-- seriously?" Wasn't he embarrassed? Putting his wires down, Hyuk-jae paid special attention to the inside of the radio. "Are you sure? Because, you know, you don't have to do that..." He swallowed. His boyfriend might take that response the wrong way. He didn't mean to say he didn't want to go, or that he didn't want to tell them. Far from it! "I mean. Yes, I'd love to go with you." Hyuk-jae blushed. "What do you do for the solstice in your family?"

Would he need to cook something? Buy presents? Learn songs, perhaps? And what would he wear? Nagisa was constantly complaining about his clothes. He didn't want to embarrass him. Self-conscious, he rubbed the shoulder of his soft red shirt.

Well, he had him there. Hyuk-jae hadn't missed the looks Nagisa's parents were giving each other. They knew their son was interested in guys. No doubt about it. He smiled. "Okay," he said. "Then yes, I'll come. And we can tell them about us." And hopefully they would accept him, even though he probably wasn't good enough for their son.

Blinking, he listened as Nagisa rattled off a whole host of activities. It was much different than his family's celebration! "Oh," Hyuk-jae said, a bit taken aback. "That's — a lot of stuff, isn't it?" Rubbing the back of his head, he tried to envision spending a night like that with his parents. He couldn't eat apples covered in flour, anyway. He knew some of their neighbors had done neighborhood potlucks, growing up, but his parents never wanted him socializing in large groups. The way the fluffy-haired host was describing things it sounded like a huge party!

"... And my birthday is in the third month of the solar year, too."

"When?" This was the first he'd heard of it. "When's your birthday?" What should he get him? He should make a cake, right? It sounded like he had time to prepare, thank goodness. He'd have to come up with something amazing.

"Ah, maybe that's a bit overwhelming. Well, you don't have to answer about the other stuff right away."

He wanted to do all of it. "I'll do anything you want," Hyuk-jae said honestly. "I'd love to."

"... is there anything you've always wanted to do for solstice?"

Shrugging, the Firebender flopped down next to his boyfriend, putting his head back down in his lap. He liked it when Nagisa played with his hair, finding the touch soothing. "No," he said honestly. "We always just had a quiet dinner and lit candles and stuff. We couldn't really afford presents. I think when I was really little I got things, but —" not after a while. Just like his birthday, really. It was too expensive and they could never afford anything, thanks to him. Hyuk-jae lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. "Not really after that."

Looking up at Nagisa's face, he smiled. "Don't worry about it. It's fine." He didn't need anything, anyway. He already had so much more than he did when they met! Couldn't Nagisa see that? This was probably the most well-off Hyuk-jae had ever been in his life. Thinking about this, he chewed the inside of his cheek a little. The only thing he didn't have now that he had always wanted was... friends.

"Nagisa?" he asked, after a moment. "Did you go to school and have friends?"

Hyuk-jae was surprised to hear Nagisa say no. He was such a sunny person, he'd assumed that he must have grown up with lots of friends. "I'm a little shocked," he said, laughing. "I don't imagine you as a loner. You seem like you would have been a cute little big-eyed child." The shorter man explained how the other kids were dirty and Hyuk-jae laughed again. Of course!

The story about the dolls was amusing. Hyuk-jae smiled up at Nagisa. "Maybe you should've been a writer for radio drama," he said. "With your flair for the dramatic!" It was so like Nagisa to have even his toys dramatically deal with each other. "What a sordid plotline, though! Where did you learn about cheating?" Hilarious. Poor Nagisa's parents! He must have been such a handful.

"Can I ask about you? I don't mean to pry, or anything..."

Waving a hand, Hyuk-jae dismissed the concern. "I said you can ask me anything. I've already told you I didn't go to school — not allowed because of the fits. But no... I also didn't have any friends." He remembered watching kids play from the tenement window. "My parents didn't like me being outside or messing with other kids because they thought it was dangerous." He closed his eyes.

"A few times when I tried to play with the other kids, you know... bad stuff always happened. I had a lot of big fits before we saw the healer who made me eat differently. A lot." They were scary, and what was worse was that they scared other people, too. "I quit trying after a while. I just — people always stared at me." Hyuk-jae rolled his shoulder, the joint clicking a little. He couldn't blame other people for staring, of course. The jerking seizures that made him knock things over or drop things were embarrasing enough, but a full-body seizure was terrifying. He had been told he made some sort of shrieking cry before it happened.

Maybe if he saw it and didn't know better, he'd think someone was possessed, too. It made sense. Opening orange eyes again, Hyuk-jae glanced up at his boyfriend. "You'll see it happen some time," he said. Spirits, what if it happened at his parents' house? That would be the worst thing ever. Hyuk-jae sighed a little. Well, they'd just have to... deal with it.

Nagisa's silence was a a little unnerving. Hyuk-jae shifted a little, but was appeased when his boyfriend stroked his hair. The young man's fingers were gentle in his hair, movement rhythmic and soft. He quieted, relaxing into Nagisa's lap. It was so soothing, being in his apartment. They'd spent so much time elsewhere, and Hyuk-jae was terribly fond of the faintly lavender-scented little place he called home. Sweet sky-blue walls and colorful blankets and all, of course, it was very different from Nagisa's place.

"So, no matter how careful you are, it'll happen eventually?"

"Yes," said Hyuk-jae. It was true, and there was no point in denying it. The seizures would never stop. There was no cure, no end in sight. This was his life, forever. And if Nagisa was with him, it was part of his life, too. Not wishing to see the look on his boyfriend's face, Hyuk-jae closed his eyes again. He had to be patient with Nagisa. He knew that. Drilling it into him, his parents had made sure he was aware that people didn't understand. Hyuk-jae couldn't expect them to. Be patient, explain. He knew that.

"Will it be worse than the one you had while I was at work?"

"I don't know," he said honestly. "I don't know what that one was like. Do you?" He'd hit his head, but it was probably just a normal fit. Bleeding everywhere didn't really tell him anything, and since no one had witnessed it, he couldn't tell 'how bad' it was. Hyuk-jae wasn't even sure he knew what kind of scale 'bad' would be on! How would he measure? More convulsions? Longer recovery time? The last one had had a relatively short comeback time, in his experience. Usually he felt off for days longer than he had then.

" ... can we tell my parents?"

"What?!" His eyes flew open. "N--no!"

"Maybe not right away, but I know they wouldn't think poorly of it! I mean, they raised me, after all, and I don't think you're a bad person, or weird. I mean, wouldn't it be better for them to know too, just in case something happens and we're there? They can help, maybe..."

They could help? Not really. At best they could be nice to him, maybe allow Nagisa a place to vent. Otherwise there wasn't much help to be had! Hyuk-jae had no illusions about that fact. Nagisa's parents were nice enough, but he'd only met them the once. It was a lot to put on people, especially when they didn't have to see him much. What would be the point of telling them?

"I won't say anything if you don't want me to."

"Please don't, Nagisa," said the Firebender. There was only one reason to tell them: to make Nagisa feel better. "Or — does it bother you, that they don't know? Because it doesn't bother me."

"I don't need looking after," Hyuk-jae said, a little offended. Did Nagisa think he was glass? He had handled the seizures for a long time now. All that needed doing was making sure he didn't hit anything too hard and getting him into bed after. Usually he managed it okay. Well, except last time. But mostly? It was fine. "I —"

Nagisa interrupted him, looking bashful. He apologized for his personality, which Hyuk-jae found ridiculous. If he truly hadn't wanted to go along with Nagisa's actions, he wouldn't have. It had all worked out well in the end, hadn't it?

"I'm really sorry, okay? I ... I was stupid. I'll do my best not to do it anymore."

Hyuk-jae laughed. "You? Butt out of my affairs? As if that would ever happen." Sitting up, he looked closely at Nagisa's face. "Where's this coming from? I'm not upset with you." He loved how very peculiar Nagisa was, the way that he'd sort of charged into his life. "C'mon." Getting up, he moved the sofa and pulled down the Murphy bed. It seemed his boyfriend was in a strange mood. The only think the Firebender knew to do with it was go to bed.

Curling up with Nagisa in the sheets, Hyuk-jae seemed happy enough to stroke soft fingers over his shoulder, listening to the radio play soft music. The night was quiet enough, though once they fell asleep Hyuk-jae did have a jerking seizure. It didn't wake him up, but his elbow jabbed Nagisa in the side at least once.

Upon waking he found that he felt off-balance, rubbing at his head and looking confused. He must've had a fit in his sleep — it called for coffee and a cold cloth to face. They both had to work that night, after all. Praying for it to be a normal night and not a theme, Hyuk-jae rifled in his closet.

"What do you want me to wear?" he asked over his shoulder.

"All right." Hyuk-jae put on a white collared shirt, striped tie, and a kelly green sweater. He'd taken Nagisa's advice and picked up a few more pieces for his closet. Charcoal grey trousers and his usual black boots finished him off, and he put his hat on due to the weather. After a quick breakfast of fish and rice (for Nagisa) and vegetables, they headed out. Hyuk-jae had yet to spend money on a coat.

His relief upon entering the Club to find it a normal night was palpable. As he tucked his hat away in his locker, Hyuk-jae scanned his client list and took stock of the note from Jainukul. Nothing about needing to see him privately, he noticed. That was a relief. Opening the envelope, he reached in and found a much fatter stack of notes than he'd expected.

"O — oh my god," Hyuk-jae said, staring at the money in the envelope. Glancing at his boyfriend, he noted that Nagisa didn't seem fazed. Was this normal? They did earn quite a bit, to be truthful — their clients enjoyed the two of them together, and paid well. The Firebender noticed a few of Lee's friends on his list as well. Did this mean that some of his fellow gangsters were going to be his patrons?

It could be that they just wanted to say hi, but was a nice gesture. Following Nagisa into the main room, Hyuk-jae sat down with a cup of plain green tea and let the shorter man hold his hand. A couple of their co-workers remarked on his clothing choice, happy to see a bit more color. This happy, relaxed atmosphere was ruined almost instantly upon the arrival of Nima and Soon Hee.

Mostly Nima. Soon Hee was a very nice lady, and Hyuk-jae liked her.

He hadn't thought they were on his list, but here they were. Hyuk-jae poured a cup of tea for the coughing Nagisa, feeling confused. His boyfriend seemed even more surprised than he was to see the large woman. "Here," he said softly, "drink something."

"You should take better care of him."

Raising a dark brow, Hyuk-jae fixed her with a pitying look. He should take better care of Nagisa? Please! He already shopped and cooked and cleaned for him! This woman didn't know the first thing about their life together. It was clear that Nima thought of what went on in the Host Club as reality, not acting. Letting the large woman push her way in between them, Hyuk-jae smiled at Soon Hee.

"You look lovely tonight," he said. "Tea?"
She sat next to him. Hyuk-jae complimented her new purple dress and poured tea for her, asking about her day. He'd grown quite fond of Soon Hee, actually. She told him about her new kitten and he laughed, delighted. "I'm so jealous!" he exclaimed. "I've always wanted a pet. Does it sleep with you?"

"I really do," Hyuk-jae said to Soon Hee, leaning in as if their conversation was confidential. "I'm a great cook, you know. Simple stuff, but he likes it fine. Do you cook?"
She laughed. Their relationship was truly more friends than anything else. Soon Hee talked easily with him about her mother's ox bone soup recipe, and he nodded and added something his own family's variations. She'd really warmed to him over the months.

Next to them, Nima complained of Nagisa not wearing the clothing she'd purchased. It didn't take long for her displeasure to turn on Hyuk-jae, as usual. "I don't know what you see in that young man over there. Where's your loyalty to Shouta?"
Soon Hee looked embarrassed, flushing slightly.
Nagisa covered quickly, and Hyuk-jae gave Nima's friend a soft pat to the hand. "It's fine," he said. "He doesn't mind, really."
The young man in question was currently being basically forced to eat out of Nima's hand. Thankful for the millionth time that he was not playing a childlike role, Hyuk-jae procured some wine for Soon Hee.

She had just begun telling him about her raise and her father falling ill when Nima's loud voice cut into their conversation. He might've ignored her if it weren't for the comment.

"I saw you two walking out of here together on my way home from work last night. Do you live together?"

Nagisa stared at the woman, mouth open. Hyuk-jae glanced at Soon Hee before speaking. "And where is your office, again?" Hyuk-jae's apartment was absolutely not in the nicest part of town. It wasn't even really near any office buildings. For her to have seen them, she had to have either been following them from the Club or simply referring to see them leave the Club together.

He had a nasty suspicion that was the former. "Sorry, I forget little details, sometimes." Hyuk-jae flushed a little.
Soon Hee smiled at him a little. She was beginning to realize that he wasn't quite right, somehow. It didn't bother her, but it was interesting.
"Surely you fine ladies don't live near __________ street, do you?" Hyuk-jae hadn't rented an apartment in the nicest neighborhood. Not as bad as his old one, but not great. Not by a long shot.
Shaking her head, Soon Hee told them the address of their work. It wasn't really close to the Club or to Hyuk-jae's apartment.

"Anyway," he continued, "I don't think it matters a great deal if we live together, do you? Lots of young people are doing it these days!" Citing the economy was always a safe choice. Plenty of their clients could talk for hours about the economy.