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Plot Update 10 March 2021

A year has passed since Fire Lord Zuko ascended the throne, and it seems like trouble is brewing between the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom once more. The Fire Lord and the Avatar began the Harmony Restoration Movement to restore the Fire Nation Colonies to their pre-war state by bringing any Fire Nation nationals back home, but for many of the citizens — of mixed Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom … Read more ›

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Prompt Exemption Samples II

shi111
Nov 29, 2010 15:56:52 GMT -6

Post by shi111 on Nov 29, 2010 15:56:52 GMT -6

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Shinri sat before her meager campfire, staring into the flickering orange and yellow, her expression dark and grim, tired.
The night sky was clouded over and moonless, leaving everything around Shinri’s fire pitch black; the eyes of curious and cautious animals would occasional gleam as they drew close, then, they’d scurry away.
She looked natural in her repose by the fire, a woman who knew her country, the Earth Kingdom, intimately enough not to be frightened by the flora and fauna at nightfall; her sun darkened complexion was, perhaps, most telling to her affinity to wander barefoot across the continent.
Wandering was typical of an active mercenary, especially one that dipped her feet in sabotage and thievery if the pay was good.
Shinri breathed an exhausted sigh; her sinewy form was covered with various signs of wear and tear; her left arm was swathed in bandages, her sharp brown eyes bruised and swollen, her full body, green robe battered and torn.
A bandage was wrapped about her forehead, made faintly pink by the blood it had checked, her lower lip was split, both of her gaunt cheeks sported half a dozen welts; Shinri had straightened her broken nose that was still red and purple.
Shinri placed her right hand tenderly to her left shoulder, the robe and yellow surcoat there had a black char mark.
Shinri dwelled on her parents, they were distant silhouettes in her mind but served as a balance to her thoughts when they were in turmoil; she hadn’t seen them since she was nudged by them into the world of violence and backstabbing that she was trained, groomed to inherit.
Her mercenary parents could be dead or just simply retired to Whale Tale Island but that was neither here nor there as her thoughts were now clear and focused enough to regard an immediate issue at hand.
Shinri reached out next to herself and plucked up an old, weathered scroll; she held it level to her eyes, straight and vertical, perched between her fingertips.
She regarded it levelly.
It had been the one consolation to a rather haphazard and violent affair; it had begun three weeks ago, a contract for her to infiltrate into a small excavation party up in the mountains, snag some rare valuables and drift away.
Straightforward really; the subsequent attacks from a band of thieves and grave robbers was to be expected, the excavation party had made deals with some of the local Earth Bending masters in arrangement of such things occurring.
Then things became dicey two days ago.
Her contract, apparently, decided to try and overwhelm the excavation to scoop up all the valuables that she had described in a report she had sent back; her contract had also attempted to kill her in the process.
A Fire Nation platoon that had been scouting the mountains at the time also descended upon the party, trying to appropriate the goods for themselves amidst the chaos; all they did was bring more chaos into the situation.
Shinri had banked on something like this happening, having been in similar situations before; she could rationalize all the players present; her contract simply acted on knowledge she had given and tried to cut her (literally) out of the deal. The Fire Nation did have a colony not too far from the excavation site, so the platoon’s appearance was to be expected as a possible outside threat.
The Dai Li was a surprise though; kind of far from their typical jurisdiction, they swept across the violence like a tidal wave and left little behind save peaceful, gravely silence.
The “cultural authority” established its superiority; Shinri would be glad if she never saw another Dai Li agent again but she knew that was probably not a likely thing to bank on, after all, she was being followed by someone or a lot of someones.
Regardless, she had narrowly escaped into the wilds during the confusion caused by the Dai Li; had gotten lucky and gotten away for the moment with a single piece of what the excavation party had dug up and a list of various wounds.
It was a frightening discovery, the small scroll, with drawn depictions of a synthesis, a schism of the Avatar entity, the text of which described as the Revenant, a sort of shadow of the Avatar; a bender-less entity opposite to the master of all elements that could be either used as a replacement in case of an unexpected death with an element in the line being non-existence or, the Revenant could be used in close proximity to the Avatar to mute it’s bending completely.
“Are you the real deal I wonder…” She mused, knowing that this was a potentially dangerous, upsetting concept that could induce mania into an already volatile era of war and bloodshed.
“…or some horrible joke, a wild theory someone considered valuable enough to bury?” She finished.
Shinri for the first time in her life felt all thirty years of her life, heavy on her shoulders, she could feel forty, only three years away, lean down at her from the impending future.
What she held was worth plenty to just about anyone, a collector of antiquities, Fire Nation spies looking for a way to undo the Avatar; the Avatar would possibly pay for it…
Then again, was it really worth the trouble, worth the wealth; in most cases, Shinri wouldn’t have perished a thought at pawning it off or using it for extorting, blackmail.
She continued to stare at it with darkening, pensive eyes.
“I can only imagine you as a secret, something someone discovered in a brief moment of honest contemplation, an Air Nomads pilgrimage perhaps and alas he uncovers a revelation and writes you down…” Shinri surmised.
“But, if you are true you are dangerous to a society that only believes in an Avatar that stands solidly alone, a world that must believe in one twelve year old boy, one Avatar. Period” She says, turning the scroll about in her hand, pondering.
“The world can’t afford you getting out, I can’t afford to sell you and I can’t just leave you lying about either, so…” Shinri flicked her wrist, casting the scroll into the fire.
“you will reside in my mind and cease to be when I cease to be,” Shinri said, running her had through her slightly overgrown, black hair, she would have it cut back into its wedged bob style when she made it to a town.
The scroll was consumed completely in moments as Shinri groaned, standing to her feet on tired, uncertain legs.
Arrows, spears, swords, knives, fists, Earth Benders and Fire Benders, she’d faced them all in the violence that descended upon the excavation, suffering many injuries, and the one consolation prize she managed to take she let burn before her bruised eyes.
Shinri found herself smiling at going against her profit driven nature.
All five feet and a couple inches of her she put behind the effort to maintain balance as she adorned her gold, wire frame glasses and left the fire for the darkness; she was still being followed, still in horrific physical condition from her conflict. The fire, she simply needed the fire as a diversion but it also helped her in an important decision, perhaps her most important one.
“A good secret should remain a secret,” She breathed wearily, dissolving into the night.
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Last edit by shi111: Dec 4, 2010 13:13:19 GMT -6

Post by Gia on Dec 1, 2010 23:29:15 GMT -6

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Michiko - Your post was all right. The length was good. However, because of the style you choose to write in, it felt like it lacked depth due to how short the dairy entries. If you are going to do it that way, the dairy entries need to be longer so as to give more emotion. There are other ways to do it, of course, as well, if you wish to change the style. Also, there is nothing in here about the room she's in or what she looks like. These are important things to your RP partners. I'm sorry, but this sample is DENIED. Please re-write it. Thank you.

Shinri - I felt that your post lacked a lot of depth. After reading this, I knew nothing at all about your character, where she came from, who she was, what she looked like, where she was, what the secret was, how she came about finding it... There was some emotion in it, but not enough and not enough description, either. I'm sorry, but your post is DENIED. Please re-write it. Thank you.
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kassa
Dec 2, 2010 18:04:09 GMT -6

Post by kassa on Dec 2, 2010 18:04:09 GMT -6

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My post has been edited!~ Since I couldn't PM you, I thought I'd let you know this way. :D
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Post by Gia on Dec 4, 2010 12:12:11 GMT -6

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Michko - Thank you for editing it, but I'm afraid now the prompt isn't evident at all. I don't see what your post has to do with the prompt you were given. You have to make sure and explain things like that, or your RP partners are likely to be confused. I'm sorry again, but your post has been DENIED.
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kassa
Dec 4, 2010 16:00:25 GMT -6

Post by kassa on Dec 4, 2010 16:00:25 GMT -6

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Can I have a new prompt?
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Post by Gia on Dec 4, 2010 16:55:01 GMT -6

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Michiko - Yes, you can. Here's your new one:

Your little sister, who is between the ages of 12 and 14, is dating a much older man, who is at least 23. She claims that they are in love, and you are sure that this is not true. You are sure that he only wants her for her looks, and she tells you that they are going to take their relationship to the "next level." She has not told your parents yet, and you're afraid of what might happen. What are you going to do? Do you tell your parents or keep it a secret? How do you feel? Don't godmod your sister, your parents or anyone else. Don't scratch the surface; dig deep.

Tau's Prompt - You are about to go on the biggest, most exciting vacation of your life. Most of the time, nothing goes right for you, but lately, everything does. Everything seems to be going good, and you and your friends are planning on having a great time. Do you think something will happen to ruin it or will everything go your way? Describe your feelings and thoughts about this.
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shi111
Dec 5, 2010 8:56:25 GMT -6

Post by shi111 on Dec 5, 2010 8:56:25 GMT -6

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Edited my prompt - now with more content!
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Post by Gia on Dec 5, 2010 17:54:55 GMT -6

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Shinri - Much better. I do think that you could still use more description. You also use "she" and "Shinri" a lot. Try using other things, like using her hair, bending element, and eye color, to describe her. Also, keeping the paragraphs so close together makes it hard to read. One paragraph is, ideally, about five sentences at least, and covers one thought. There should also be one empty line between paragraphs. If you work on these things, your post is ACCEPTED.
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