Display Name: Dao Feng
Age: 19
Gender: Male

Disclaimer: I do apologize if this is not the correct place to be making this post in advance.

Dao narrowed is steely eyes and glared maliciously at the invaders of his home. He swept his gaze over the mess of dishes and pots across his beloved kitchen. The crash was what had jerked him from his sleep. The young man clung to the knife he had ready in front of him. He didn't have much in his small on-bedroom apartment, but his kitchen was his pride and joy, so the disturbance of his jewel had him grinding his teeth and sending death rays at the intruders.

"You have no idea the malevolence you have brought on yourselves."

Dao shifted his stance from the previous broad-legged defensive, to a more suitable form of offense. The foot closest to the perpetrators turned quickly and steadily to face them, while the other leg pushed off the ground harshly, sending Dao's slight frame in a charge.

Dao Feng - On the positive side, I see only one spelling mistake when you said on-bedroom apartment instead of one bedroom apartment. On the not-so positive side... your post is extremely short. I have no idea what his place looks like, who the people are that are in his home or why they are there. There is not nearly enough description in your post, either. His kitchen is his pride and joy, but why? How does he know how to fight? Why isn't he scared of them? Why are these people there? What do they want with him? Why were they messing up his kitchen? These are questions that need to be answered. Simply re-do your post and then post it again. I'm sorry but your post is DENIED.

Dao narrowed is steely eyes and glared maliciously at the invaders of his home. He swept his gaze over the mess of dishes and pots across his beloved kitchen. The overhead rack across the bar style counter had one of its bearings ripped out of the ceiling, mainly because the counter was directly beneath the wall and window, which had been smashed clean of glass. The crash was what had jerked him from his sleep. The young man clung to the knife he had ready in front of him. He didn't have much in his small one-bedroom apartment, but his kitchen was his pride and joy. It was the only thing in his life that he ever truly wanted, aside from his own place. A kitchen that was clean and could provide endless amounts of food. The disturbance of his jewel had him grinding his teeth and sending death rays at the intruders. The disturbance around him also sent a feeling of fear coursing through him. If the only thing he had to cling to that meant the most to him was so easily destroyed and tampered with, what was stopping the rest of world from taking anything else.

Of course, his slight helplessness and depression was way too overt the top for such a petty crime. Burglary was a common crime in the part of the city that he lived in, 'The Hood' some lovingly called it. A mice infested slum. Dao was never one to put aside dramatics if he could, so the mess that lead to him grasping a knife was extremely in the norm for him. The two hooded burglars simply raised their eyebrows at the rail-thin man in front of them. One had paused halfway putting a crock pot into a sack, and the other had just lifted a handful of silverware when Dao popped out from around the corner that lead into the hallway.

"You have no idea the malevolence you have brought on yourselves."

Dao shifted his stance from the previous broad-legged defensive, to a more suitable form of offense. The foot closest to the perpetrators turned quickly and steadily to face them, while the other leg pushed off the ground harshly, sending Dao's slight frame in a charge. It was at this moment in Dao's minimal thinking that he remembered that he had no former training in any sort of combat. All through his teens years, he had become extremely adept to avoiding any type of physical conflict. The burglars simply side-stepped Dao's pathetic excuse for an assault, sending the man-boy hurling into the stove. Dao had the rush and sensation of pain, but then a darkness came over him. No longer was the kitchen an issue for him. He only wished to sleep. The other men continued on their job of cleaning poor Dao's kitchen out of its fine utensils and pans.

Dao - Much better. I still think that you could have used some more description on Dao himself, so as long as you keep that in mind as you RP, you're ACCEPTED.

Display Name: Zana
Real Age: 17
Gender: Female

It was 9:00am, May 7, 1915. The sun was shining brilliantly in a cloudless sky which reflected the endless azure that was the Atlantic Ocean beneath it. The Lusitania had been sailing for quite some time now, having left port in New York around seven that morning. Aboard it were many rich Americans, all relaxing and enjoying the luxuries of the cruise ship. However, also on board, unknowingly to its civilian passengers, was hidden ammunition in the bottom of the vessel. Unfortunately, the German U-boats were aware of this fact. Among the Lusitania’s many passengers was Dorothy Adeline, Adel to her friends, and her son Jackson William. The Costellos were on their way to visit Adeline’s parents Great Britain for the first time since before Jackson’s birth. The boy’s grandparents were too elderly to travel and they had yet to see their grandson. It had been hard on Adele, not traveling with her husband. William had not been able to leave his job for the trip; his ammunition factory was too busy for its boss to take a vacation with the threat of war being so imminent.

Adel had been laid out on the deck of the ship, feeling the warmth of the sun slowly darken her visible skin. The woman was young, not far into her twenties, and strikingly beautiful. She had a thin, yet curvy and toned body. Upon her head were her thick golden locks, done in an exquisite up do, but was partly hidden by a large sun hat adorned by a feather. Her eyes, which matched the color of the sky and ocean she lay between, were locked on her son. Little Jackson was no more than ten feet to his mother’s left. The boy was approaching his first birthday and just learning how to walk, often stumbling on the blue blanket he was playing on. The boy was the spitting image of his mother; with her blond curly hair and blue eyes he was a cute child and thereby attention was naturally drawn to him. It had been nothing short of a perfect morning… until two sudden explosions rocked the great ship.

It all happened so fast. Instantly everyone was moving, some were getting life boats; others had already been thrown overboard. Adele was on the floor and her head was throbbing, she had been thrown off her chair. Water was flooding the ship fast, splashing against the side of her face and knocking of her hat. Standing up, the panicked woman swept her sapphire orbs across the chaos. “Jackson!” She cried, her sheer terror carrying her shrill voice over the noise of the people. “Jackie!” She called again, trying to find where her son had gone. The water was up to her knees now. Pushing past everyone, the woman desperately continued to search for her son. Suddenly, she felt a strong hand grabbed her arm. The man was tall and built; he was one of the crew workers. Turning to see the man, she also saw the lifeboats. The workers were rushing to evacuate the woman and children. “I have to find my baby!” She yelled, her fear enveloping her now. Pulling against the man’s grip, her wide eyes continued to look for that familiar mop of blond hair. The screaming made Adele’s ears ring, and her mind was burned with the image of her son. Once again she tried to pull from the man, still calling for Jackson. Hysterical now she was shaking and crying with need for her child, the mother could barely stand it. It was then that the man lifted her into his arms and carried her on the lifeboat which was already much too packed for its small size. Watching the great ship sink, Adele now clung to the man who had saved her. In the next few moments it was somewhere between her shaking and sobbing and burying her head in his hard chest that the woman fainted in his arms.

When Adel came to she was in a hospital gown, she had apparently hit her head when she fell and had in turn, received a mild concussion. Instantly by her side was her husband. Her face was being held in his gentle hands, her sad confused eyes looked into his tired and worried emerald orbs. His naturally curly brown hair has tousled, dirty from the two days he had spent in the hospital. Adele slowly regained her memories, the ship, the explosion, and finally, her son. A new shadow of that previous terror flickered in her eyes. Tears instantly began to form, blurring her vision. Her breathing became rapid as she tried to compose herself. As sudden as the grief had come, it was replaced with rage. “Those Germans are going to pay for what they did.” She said with surprising strength in her voice. “There’s no doubt about it now, we’re going to war. They are all going to pay.” Anger shook her weak body, coursing through her veins like liquid fire. It willed her to fight, to live. She didn’t just want revenge, she needed it. Opening her mouth once again, she spoke with such vitality, one would have never known she had just been unconscious had they not seen her. “I just hope you can make those bullets fast enough.”

Zana - Sorry for the wait. Interesting choice of prompt. I must say that while your post is good, the emotion was missing in your post. I liked the length, to be sure, but from now on, work on getting emotion in your post, and a bit more description on your surroundings. Not bad, though, not bad at all. ACCEPTED.

Display Name: Neya Benling
Real Age: 16
Gender: Female

She was a sophomore in a private high school in New York State. She had gone there for four years, and hoped to be there two more. For her, the first day of high school held a painful memory. Someone close to her, someone she cared deeply for, had left her feeling alone. She had put it out of her mind, and had focused on her school work for a very long time. She was lying on the bottom bunk of her bed, in her messy room. Stuffed animals, clothes, and books were scattered on the floor and tossed on her dresser. It was very late, almost midnight, and the light on the end table was on. She had recently begun writing in a journal, trying to sort out her thoughts and put them into a notebook that she could read later on in life. She had the radio on, the volume down low. The station had just started playing another song.

She stopped writing in her journal and turned up the radio. The song that was playing was new to her, she didn't recognize the tune. She'd listened to the station ever since she could remember. Naturally, she was curious. The slow beat and the piano and violin had her in a trance. As she listened to the soft music, she wondered who would be singing it. A new artist maybe? Maybe someone who hadn't released a song in a few years? Then she heard the lyrics. She listened closely, remembering all the times she had seen a picture of him and had to hold back her tears. She was always the strong one. At the prayer service, her mother was crying. But she couldn't. She knew she couldn't. She knew she had to stay strong for her, or else she'd never make it without him. Her freshman year hadn't even started yet, and she hadn't finished her summer reading. A minor set back, she thought, It's nothing compared to the hell I'm going through now. That was in '07. It was '09 now, and she had moved on. Hadn't she? The next part sent a chill throughout her body.

The song was strangely similar to how she'd felt almost two years before. She still had to remind herself that he was gone. She half expected to wake and find out that it was all a dream. But it wasn't. He was still gone. Nobody should have to go through that. A week after her birthday he left. At the time her uncle was living with them. She heard her tell him. She was in her room, since she had been sleeping downstairs. She can't even remember if she told him she loved him. She couldn't help but cry a little as she heard this song play. It was the most heart-wrenching song she'd ever heard. Her dad died nearly two years ago, but this reminded her that the pain would never leave. She felt there was something missing in her life. She never had a dream about him. She wished she did, she would have told him how much she missed him. She missed getting up so they could watch Jerry Springer. She wished she could go back in time to when she was nine and they watched cartoons before school.

They would always talk about them when she got back from school, but pretend they were talking about bowling or something. Mom didn't want her watching cartoon before school. She thought about all these things as the song continued. She could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks. They fell onto her journal and smudged her writing. She almost stopped listening, but she realized it was better this way. She couldn't keep this all inside any more, it wasn't healthy. She needed to let go, to feel something for once. All of her friends knew, but they didn't want to bring it up. They didn't know how close she was to madness.

She had become such a beautiful young woman. She was tall and slender, with long dark hair that reached her lower back. She had her mother’s smile, her mother’s wavy hair. And her father’s blue eyes. She wished she could remember what he sounded like. She hated living without a father. There were so many other problems with her that not having a father made her feel more like a freak.

She stopped crying after fifteen minutes. She hadn't cried like that since a prayer service her freshman year. She had only cried three times back then, back when his death was fresh in her mind: When he died, at the prayer service at school, and when a former classmate brought it up. She'd never forget when her mom ran up the stairs crying. She wasn't told directly. As fate would have it, she heard her mother yell to her uncle. Now two years later, she was thinking about it once again. She realized there would always be that emptiness inside her, the feeling of missing someone important. She closed her journal, put it on the floor, wiped away her tears, and turned out the light.

"I love you, Daddy"

Neya - while your exemption was well written -as in, technically sound-, it left both me and Karena rather confused. I can gather that it's about a girl remembering her dad who passed away, but I don't take much information away other than that. My biggest concern is the number of "She" you use, and the lack of physical description. This isn't going to work very well when you RP with others — vary the number of times you say "she" [refer to your characters in other ways, such as her name, something about her appearance, or begin with an action], as well as include more physical description. Not everyone is going to read your character's profile, so let them know what your character looks like.

So for now, ACCEPTED, provided you work on the above. By the way, make sure your display name matches that of your accepted RP characters. ;] That way there's no confusion.

So, I'm glad there's this little RP School thing, because I'm really bad at writing fifteen paragraphs for one post. XD

Display Name: Yutaka Tokudaiji
Real Age: 17
Gender: Male

Yutaka was walking through a small village, the second one he’s passed this week. He was tired, and wanted nothing more than to sleep, and have a nice bath. He hadn’t had one since yesterday, and he was sure he smelled awful. His clothes could use with a good cleaning as well, he thought. The village, he noticed, had narrower streets than most he’d seen. There were many buildings along the street all crowded together. In the last village, he remembered they were quite far apart, but here it was almost like a small city. Oh well, at least there were more chances of finding somewhere to sleep.

His first stop was to head to the market street so he could grab some dinner before he collapsed with hunger. His stomach made a crippling growl all of a sudden, causing him to clutch it instinctively. He glared about for a minute. As he made his way over, his hand reached up and quickly pushed up his spiked hair, making sure it still looked okay – he may have smelled bad, but at least he looked good.

“Hello,” he mumbled to the vendor, “Just some of these, please.” He grabbed a small fruit, a vegetable or two, and some pre-cooked meat. It was a small and simple meal, but he had to budget himself because of the money had – he did need a place to sleep, after all. After acquiring his meal, Taka went on his way to look for a hotel.

Several blocks down, and twice times asking for directions, he was able to find a nice looking hotel. He entered, happy to find that the place wasn’t entirely shady. He stepped up to the counter and said Hello, and asked for a room. After paying, the woman took him to a small room in the back. It wasn’t big, but it was good for one night. Yutaka closed the door behind him and dropped his bag on the floor and jumping into the bed. It was late, and he was soon asleep.

Yutaka - The first thing I noticed was that there's a lot of use of "he" in your post. You should try some more variety, like "the brunet" or "the green-eyed young man" or "the Waterbender" or something like that. You could also try different ways of phrasing your sentences so that they don't start with he so much. The second thing I noticed is that there is no depth to your post at all. There is no feeling or description. I get where you are, but not what it looks like or what you look like. And there's no feeling whatsoever. Your post was... bland, for lack of a better term. The third thing I noticed is that there seemed to be no point at all to your post. Why is your character there? What is he doing? What does he want? Why that village? Is he on a mission - personal or business? Is he just wandering? There are so many unanswered questions, I could go on but won't.

Next, I see some grammar errors. You seem to have some problems with the tenses in your post not agreeing, ie 'was walking' but 'has passed'. Notice the ing on walking but the ed on passed? Yeah... Also, the term 'crippling' growl confused us. Growls don't cripple, though I get what you're trying to say, but the term itself is a bit confusing. It should have been rephrased. Also, you said "He stepped up to the counter and said Hello, and asked for a room." It should have read, 'He stepped up to the counter, said "Hello," and asked for a room.'

I'm sorry, but your post is DENIED. If you're having trouble coming up with a plot of your own for this post, feel free to sign for the exemptions, keeping in mind what I've told you. If you do decide to re-do the post above, there is no need to post it again, simply modify the post and then post saying that you're made the necessary modifications.

Display Name: Tian Shinta
Real Age: 20
Gender: Male

——————————————————————————

The following is Exhibit A in the Eastern Coalition of Recivilized States against Tyler Brown, coded CN0011EA. A handwritten entry in a worn but well taken cared ofcomposition book.

Mutants

Whatever is causing the changes in deceased people (I have not been able to acquire a microscope to confirm a bacterial or viral cause) there are obviously differences. These differences are widespread with seemingly no commonalities between the different types of zombies. I hate to use that word, but that is what they are. Anyway, this lack of obvious linking characteristics leads me to the belief that it is the cause, not the victims, that has different strains. Or maybe it is different causes altogether, I have no way to test these hypotheses! If only I could be afforded the simple conveniences of a high school biology classroom. A scalpel, a large table, and a microscope with some slides. But this is not the place.

As I have mentioned before, there is the common zombie with two distinct strains:(I will continue to use terminology assuming a microorganism is the cause until I am proven otherwise as it seems the most plausible to me) The Shamblers and the Runners. Physically they are not obviously different from each other, except the Shamblers’ flesh seems to deteriorate faster than the Runners, which could explain their difference in ability. Shamblers are your classic, old school zombies. Decaying dead muscle doesn’t move well after all. Runners on the other hand, are your third generation zombies, and don’t seem to lose any of their muscle. In short, Shamblers shamble and Runners run. While this seems a simple difference, it is a very important one… it shows improvement. In either a natural case or in the case of a synthesized cause, this is a very scary prospect indeed.

The third variant, though it is really a sub category larger than the first, are the Mutant zombies. These monstrosities are the true beasts walking the streets, what should cause the real fear in the survivors. There doesn’t seem to be any common change between the different mutants, and I personally have never seen a duplicate mutant far enough away from the first to be a separate mutation not caused by the first. To date I have cataloged five different Mutations. The first was simply an incredibly enlarged person, nearing ten feet tall with muscles grown so quickly they had ripped his skin in places. The second had seemed to begin growing bone tissue over any cuts or openings in its skin except for its mouth (Luckily it included it’s eyes). The third was similar to the first, but only the right arm was enlarged. The fourth moved on all four with the agility of a natural born quadruped, and was either able to unhinge it’s jaw or simply had a new sort of jaw altogether. The fifth had grown some kind of wings from it’s ribcage, but was unable to take to the air. It seemed like it didn’t know how, like a child attempting to skip the tricycle and go straight to a mountain bike. (Mutants will be referred to by this order as M1 through M5)

These Mutants are all far more resilient to attacks than the average zombies. When I encountered M1, he was attacking a group of three survivors using hunting rifles (a 30.30, and two 30.06) scoring consistent headshots which seemed to hardly even phase the beast before it ripped them apart. I personally shot M2 twice in the back of the head in un-ostized tissue after bashing it with a metal baseball bat and it showed no signs of slowing down. I only escaped because of it’s blindness. Whatever is causing this different transformation is also increasing their ability to survive.

Tonight I discover a sixth Mutant. One of the teenager’s I’ve been traveling with for the past few days was infected by a Mutant with large claws that had replaced its fingers (or so he said). The only visible wound on his body were claw marks on his hands and wrists, which means that it was these scratches that caused the infection. I have seen many people’s skin opened by Runners and a few of the stupider ones by Shamblers, but it had never resulted in becoming a zombie, even if the wounds were fatal, without some sort of fluid exchange.

So far the normal changes are occurring, paled skin indicating a slowing of the circulatory system, a consistent, hacking cough due to phlegm buildup, and excessive prolonged vomiting caused by the beginning of necrosis in the stomach. This is what we’ve all seen people go through time and again, the basic progression of any of the causes(the lack of variance is more evidence towards different strains of a single cause). Fred, that is the teenager’s name, stopped resisting his restraints ten minutes after I tied him down, more a sign of weakness than of resignation. Attempts to communicate with me show cognitive ability is present for the moment. It has now been three hours, and the constant vomiting has taken it’s toll. Fred rolled to his side and stopped moving, simply letting his mouth hang open and his internal muscles do the work. It pains me to sit and watch this, but it must be done.

Five hours since the first bout of vomit, and it appears Fred is now deceased. His breathing has stopped and he no longer has a pulse. The wounds on his hands have started bleeding again post mortem. His fingers have not yet changed, and the rapid necrosis of his flesh has also not yet begun. I do not know why this necrosis occurs, but it has occurred in some form or another in 100% of the specimens I have encountered, the notable exception being Runners for whom there is no muscle necrosis, only other tissue.

Five hours and twenty seven minutes since the beginning of the change, and Fred’s right hand just cracked loudly. It sounded like bone. His eyes have just reopened, and the characteristic moan can be vaguely heard behind the gag. At 32 minutes, the bandages around his right hand rips, the first and second digit growing at an alarming rate. At 33 minutes the left hand fingers began to grow as well. At 35 minutes growth has stopped and Fred is attempting to break out of his restraints far more vigorously than before. The fingers are now made of what appears to be solid bone, covered in a thin layer of blood and gore from his hand, and retain approximately the same length ratio to each other as before, however the middle digit is now approximately four feet long with a point as sharp as an ice pick.

Six hours and thirty minutes after the beginning of the transformation, there is no further visible mutation is Mutant 6(M6). The claw like phalanges appear to be made of the same type of bone seen in M2. I terminated specimen M6 by beheading it with a fire ax found on the ground floor. Body stopped moving immediately after the spinal chord was severed, mouth continued to chew for nearly 40 minutes, approximately the same time as other beheaded zombies(see experiments under Shamblers).

Important findings: Confirmed infection via simple scratch, though possible blood from original M6 remained on the claws and was transferred into the wounds inflicted on Fred, passing infection via known method.

From first prolonged vomiting, transformation took approximately five hours and thirty five minutes in a living specimen. This is significantly faster than the cause of a Shambler or Runner, which can take anywhere from a day to weeks for death and transformation.

Proliferation of Mutant strain continues to be 100% of observed cases, as opposed to approximately 92% of Shambler and Runner strains.

Tian - To be honest, Toph and I were a bit confused by your post. Technially, the post is good, but... this is not an RP sample, which is what this whole process is for - to let us see if you can RP. This reminded us more for a researcher paper than an RP sample. Please do another free form - as an RP sample, with only one character, no others, or sign up for a Prompt and follow that. DENIED

Display Name: Namokas
Real Age: Fourteen
Gender: Male

The time was somewhere around seven AM, and the sky was a beautiful mixture of different warm colors, which didn’t go unnoticed to the young man who had just taken a step outside his home. His ice home, to be more descriptive, located in the large city that sat on the edge of the North Pole. He was wearing a faded blue coat with white fur basically lining every part, and three little blue fox tails with a white tip hanging from the collar. In his hand he held a spear, the handle carved from wood with dark blue fabric used for grip.

His gloved hand was raised to his eyes, to shield his vision from the bright light that he hadn’t yet adjusted to. The young warrior stretched his arms, and then his legs, and started off in the direction of the large city’s wall. He dragged the spear along the icy ground lazily and released a yawn from his lips, slowly walking down the canal and across the bridges made of ice and snow when he needed to.

Soon the brown-haired individual reached his destination and boarded the small row-boat like vessel he used when he normally went out to fish and paddled out to his favorite spot. It was just a small cove with a large section of ice overheard, braced by two ice pillars on either side. The smallest sound, from the simple splashing of the oar in the water to propel the boat forwards to the dripping of water from the slab of ice overhead, everything echoed. It was one of the boy’s most favorite places to “Hang Out” and basically just relax.

The shadow of the large slab of ice overhead provided shade, and allowed the young boy to see the fish that swam peacefully in the water. He could see the different kinds of fish, some big and some small, some tasty looking and some… unappetizing looking. Overall, the place was tranquil. Slowly, without rocking the floating vessel all that much, the heavily clothed male stood up and assumed a custom variation of the Tai Chi Chuan martial art stance; his movements were slow and flowed just like the water. As much as he liked watching the fish swim, he also liked eating a fresh fish dinner.

Not long ago did the boy learn how to manipulate the temperature of water, and only a month or so ago did he finally learn how to be able to turn the water into ice. The teenager hadn’t yet done anything with his newfound ability to change water to ice, aside from simply freezing and unfreezing water as practice, so he figured now would be a good time to try. Namokas, the brown haired boy, started to control his breath. As he exhaled his warm breath, white smoke came from his lips, watching it dissipate into the air for only a moment before his eyes closed to aid in his concentration.

“Alright, let’s give this a shot. Maybe I can freeze one without wounding it..” Namokas said to himself, opening his eyes to find his target. It took him only a second to spot the tastiest looking fish, and he acted quickly. His eyes followed the fish as it swam, and the teen’s hands began to move up and down. The boat rocked as the water began to turn into what looked like a liquid version of a stalagmite that simply rose from the water. The fish Namokas was targeting was inside the raising water, and before it could swim out, he used his ability to manipulate the temperature of the water to ice, with the fish frozen inside. He sliced the part with the fish off and set it in his boat, which was now steady once more.

Namokas - Your post isn't bad, but Toph and I both agree that it doesn't flow very well. There are some grammatical errors, for instance:

“Alright, let’s give this a shot. Maybe I can freeze one without wounding it..” <- should either be "." or "..."

"seven AM" <—- should be "seven in the morning" as abbreviations (like am, pm, etc...) should be avoided at all costs

"places to "Hang Out"" <—- should simply be hang out, no " or capitalization

"The smallest sound, from the simple splashing of the oar in the water to propel the boat forwards to the dripping of water from the slab of ice overhead, everything echoed." <—— very awkward, should be "boat forward" no s, and no comma, but could also be rephrashed to sound better

If I were you, I'd re-read your posts out loud to catch more of that awkward-ness. If it sounds wrong to your ears, it probably is. Also, there's no point to your post, but it does what we need it to do - see you work in an RP setting. Your sample is ACCEPTED, on the condition that you work on your flow and grammar as you go into the RP boards.

Display Name: Miele Tian
Real Age: 13
Gender: female

Kate sat in the area where those who came to claim those who were in the army. There were tears running down her porcelain cheeks as she read the letter she had received a week ago. Kate's curly brown hair fell into her face as she looked down trying, unsuccessfully hide her tears. With her hair sticking to her face and her sky blue eyes blood shot Kate looked like a mess. She looked around at other people who came to collect the other veterans that were coming back with him. Tears threatened her eyes again as she thought of him. She saw his chocolate brown eyes, his black crew cut hair, and his tanned and toned body.

Kate looked down at the watch anxious for one fifteen in the afternoon. She sighed and put her head in her hands. Eleven fifty-two was what her watch said and for Kate that just wasn't fast enough. Kate was not an impatient person, but today was an exception, the letter made her anxious and so did the fact that it had been two years.

Kate surveyed her outfit. She was wearing a pair of white shorts and a Sky blue tank top. Was it to dressed down? She wondered nervous about how she looked in fact Kate always had. Kate fiddled with the strap on her sandal and looked around really taking in the room now. It was fairly average with windows all around with airplanes sitting there ready to take off with some of America's greatest heroes. The carpet beneath her feet was a blue-green color and the chair she was sitting in was rather comfortable and white.

Kate reached into her purse and took out a book she had been meaning to read for months. She started and got about one page when she found herself looking at her watch. Kate shook her head, "Patience." She muttered looking back at the book. After about three chapters she put the book back in her white purse. Kate looked at her watch on her left wrist and it said twelve thirty, which was major improvement from before.

Kate went to look away, but her ring caught her eye. Of course how could it not? It was beautiful at least 30 karat gold and an extremely, an unnecessarily, large diamond. The ring brought more tears in her eyes. It made her remember the most wonderful memories, and also the worst. When they went out in middle school, when he broke up with her in high school, when they went out towards the end of high school and all through college, and finally when he asked her to marry him four years ago, right before he left for the army. And then the letter.

Kate's eyes produced more tears and she was shocked she had any left. Kate succumbed to the tears closed her eyes and bawled. She hated him for making her wait, for breaking her heart so many times, and for leaving her for the army. She loved him for absolutely everything else. After a very long time of crying, Kate had no more tears in her body. She looked down at her watch and saw the time. "It's one thirty!" She jumped up and exclaimed.

Kate sat down sheepishly embarrassed when out of the corner of her eye she saw him. She looked over and yes, there he was. Her love, her Fernando, her fiance he was standing there looking back at her. "Finally." She whispered. He was finally back and they were going to be married. "Finally!" She said running over to him as if she had been waiting a life time.

Display Name: Shanrui
Real Age: 18
Gender: Male

He ran and ran. No matter how fast he ran, there was always... him right on the heels. Suddenly, the land fell out from beneath Shanrui. Like dropping your favorite plate, or getting a smack from your mother, it came so suddenly and furiously that Shanrui didn't know what to do. Darkness shadowed around him. Shanrui no longer saw the man's face, that was the least of his concerns at the moment. He didn't want to meet his end falling forever into nothing. Not today, it was not his time.

Shanrui gulped and coughed as he went from falling to being half asleep under the stars. It was dark, but not the darkness in his dream. There were many stars and Shanrui took a moment to scan them. They were so peaceful and benevolent as they met his grey eyes. A sort of sadness washed over him as he remembered his mother showing him various constellations. God he missed her, and his friends. There was nothing that could be done now, however. All he could do was look over his shoulder, ready to jump up and take off if he saw the man behind him again. He tried to push such thoughts from his mind. He figured he might as well wake up.

Shanrui sat up, a few bones cracking in his slim body. One side of his brown hair stood up like lightning had come from the very sky and had decided to shock half of him. The other side sat slicked to his tan face. He needed a bath, but that would come later. The last of the embers in his petite campfire shone a dull red. Shanrui picked up an idle stick and absently poked the remains of the previous evening's blaze. He snatched up his water canteen and moved it to his lips. He grimaced as the water went down his throat. It was warm and had heavy consistency. It wasn't blazing hot outside, but warm enough to make the water unpleasant. Shanrui watched as the first sunlight crept over the horizon. Various casts of a light yellow cut through the dark sky.

It was time to pack. Shanrui slumped over his tent, eyes half open, and began to fold it up. Twigs snapped under his feet as he carried over the now compact tent over to his pack. A bright and quick yawn escaped his mouth, waking him up for good. He stretched a bit. His tall height didn't prevent him from touching his toes, a fact he was very proud of. His knife and blanket joined the tent in the pack. His marker in the direction of the road was in plain sight. The sun was higher now, and Shanrui could see far enough to get going. His leather boots slipped on, along with his blue shirt. It smelled slightly... off as he slipped it on. The next time he went into town that would have to be rectified.

The first footsteps of a long journey are always the most quiet. No bird was chirping, despite the time being perfect for them to emit their songs. No animals were in the woods surrounding him, unless they all watched Shanrui with horror and curiosity, not daring to move a muscle in fear of becoming prey. But Shanrui was busy munching on berries. He had no need for meat. It would just have to be cooked anyway. His fingers and mouths were stained a ruby red. The juices were sweet with a heavy floral undertone. After about fifteen minutes, the animals became bolder. Shanrui saw many dash across his path and birds busily built their nests. Shanrui smiled, his kind eyes watching them. Sometimes there looked back, freezing in their place, then moving on to what they were doing. At least Shanrui would have plenty of company today.

Miele Tian – The first sentenced confused me a bit. It’s a bit awkward. I would have rephrased it to say something like:

Kate sat down on a bench. All around here, people were reunited with loved ones who were coming back from their tours of duty.

Or something like that. There are also some grammar and punctuation problems, though mostly minor ones. For instance:

Kate's curly brown hair fell into her face as she looked down trying unsuccessfully hide her tears. <—— the comma should be left out, and it should read to hide her tears.

Fourth paragraph:

"Patience." She muttered. <———- Every time you have spoken words like this, it should be ,” unless it’s a question or an exclamation, and she should be lowercase.

There’s other instances of things like this, but you should get the idea. Also, there’s a lot of “she”. You might want to try to use other things to describe your character, like “the brunette” or “the blue-eyed young woman” or things like that. Also, there are some unanswered questions, like what did the letter say? In the first paragraph, when you start mentioning he, it’s a bit confusing. You should have explained earlier who he was. Your post does the job, though, but you should keep this in mind – ACCEPTED.

Shanrui – This sentence in the first paragraph was confusing to me:

No matter how fast he ran, there was always... him right on the heels. <—— Should read on his heels, but it’s confusing with “he” and then “him”. Perhaps you should have named the other person, ie No matter how fast Shanrui ran, There was always Wong right on his heels.

It was dark, but not the darkness in his dream. <—— An awkward sentence. Perhaps you should have said “not the same kind of darkness as his dream”.

Other than that, your post reads well, except for all the “he” and “him”. You should try using a variety of things to describe your character, for instance “the firebender” or “the brunet” or “the brown-eyed man” or something like that. There doesn’t seem to be much of a point to your post. If there is, I’m not seeing it. Either way, it does the job we want – to see you in an RP setting. Keep what I’ve said in mind, but your post is ACCEPTED.

Display name: Eduante
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Presentation: First scene, of my groups first D&D 4e campaign.

Jack awoke early that mourning, as he always did, to prepare for the day. He glanced about the inn room where he, and his partners had decided to stay. A mere in the corner showed how the sun played of his bright blue eyes as he examined it. A large oak dresser opposite the mere in the other corner. Finally there were the two beds on either side of the room, one for the traveling rune priest Bao, and another for Jerry, the mercenary he'd hired to help Jack guard him on his spiritual journey. Being an elf, Jack needed little sleep, and thus, he gave up the comfortable bed to the low life merc.

Jack quietly dressed himself. He pulled a black shirt over his well toned torso, shaking his curly black hair back into place once his head was free of the collar. He pulled on his brown pants, baggy for the easy movement he required if combat arose. Lastly he slipped on a red jacket, the symbol of his organization, the crimson guardians, protectors of the important members of the religious comunitty.

Since the other two would take a while to wake up, Jack took the opportunity to go for a walk around town. Not that he particularly enjoyed the city. It was dirty, smelly, and overcrowded. Nothing like the wild lands he'd been raised in as a child. Nor was it like the quiet mountain monastery in which he'd trained for his current job.

However, he did enjoy knowing the areas in which he'd have to carry out missions. So on he walked until he saw the thing he hated most about the city. Crime. He looked over into an ally way to see a woman being mugged. Clenching his fist Jack rushed in to help the woman, and to put his talents to use.