Kisame - Pretty good. The length is nice, and you do a good of showing his feelings on the matter that you present in the post. ACCEPTED

Display Name: Mori Kenchi
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Post:

"Are you sure that was all?" the tall man asked the shaking messenger. The messenger, sweating and nervous, wore a brown gown with black sleeves. On his back there was a fire nation symbol, showing he worked for the army. "A-absolutely possitive, you are to leave at once."
The two men stood in one of the hallways of the fire nation barracks, there was no one else around. The hallway was next to a deserted training field.
The tall man just slightly nodded and then shaked his head, his face was hidden by a terrifying mask. "Then I shall do so at once. Sent my regards to the captain."
The messenger nodded enthousiastically, glad he could leave. He murmered something and then turned on his heels. He almost tripped as he ran off. Mori Kenchi watched him as he left, thinking how people always seemed somewhat unnerved by his mask. Then he turned his attention to the letter with instructions he had received.
Apparently he was to leave for the Earth Nation, to inspect some suspicious dissappearances. Some soldiers had gone missing. There were no names, no ranks, just the simple statement that there were missing soldiers. Mori shrucked. He'd probably had to discover that for himself. The captain obvioulsy hadn't put much effort in finding any other information. He also read he would have to report himself to the local officer before conducting investigations. Apparently the officer insisted on part-taking in the search. Mori didn't think much of it. Often officers would yell such bold promises just to look good with their superiors. Mori decided it was time to move. He hid the mission-instructions under his breastplate and left for his quarters.

He packed everything he needed in saddle bags and then left for the stables. In the far corner of the stables stood a cage with a huge blanket over it. No one dared to go near there, except for Mori. Rumors went that the creature inside had once bitten off a stable boys arm. Mori knew that not to be true. If the creature inside had attacked the stable boy, the arm wouldn't have been the only thing missing.
Mori pulled away the blanked and immediatly Kru Li, his eelhound started to bark and claw at him. Mori tossed in a piece of meat and smiled behind his mask. Eelhounds were known for their stubborness and predatory nature. They were hard to train and hard to tame. Any who rode a untamed eelhound was considered either stupid or very brave. Kru Li had had proper training but they never really succeeded in taming him. Mori had fallen in love with Kru Li's defiant nature and that was also the reason he saved him from the slaughter a few years back. Kru Li had a bad reputation, being as aggresive as he was. Another reason Mori kept the creature. As hunter of deserters he tried to have an as terrifying reputation as possible. You couldn't be riding a friendly steed if you tried to strike fear in your enemies.
When Kru Li had finished his meal he eyed Mori and skulked in his cage. Mori opened the cage-door and held out the reins. Instead of running off, Kru Li sniffed Mori and the reins, then reluctantly accepted being saddled. Kru Li had never bitten Mori, though he always had to be carefull not to lose the eelhound out of sight. The creature could be very unreliable when it was hungry.
Kru Li snarrled as Mori mounted him, but Mori would have none of it. He warned the creature by slightly raising his voice. Then he pushed his heels in the creature's sides and they ran off, towards the Earth nation.

Mori - Not bad. The length is decent, however, you have some problems that need to be brought to your attention and be worked on. Your post was very choppy, and there's a lot use of the word "he". Try to smooth out your posts. Read them aloud to yourself; that's usually a good way to catch that stuff. With the "he" problem, try "the young man" or "the blue eyed boy" or the "dark haired man" or something like that. Think of different ways to express your character. Also, you need to work on grammar, paragraph strcture, and seperating your thoughts from the rest of the narrative. Try using MS Word or some other Word Processing to catch most of the grammar errors. With paragraphs, keep similar thoughts/ideas in the same paragraph. Seperate them (with a full line in between) when a different thought or idea occurs. Also, remember to find better ways to describe your character other than "he". If this is not done, you will go back to the RPG School. ACCEPTED. No reply is necessary.

Display Name: Soshi
Age: 19
Gender: Male

The fire was alive, flickering. Reshar had imparted a secret to him. Every True master of the Sublime Way, has been a Firebender or an Avatar. The Dragon’s Breath… It is truly only for Firebenders. He peered into the night‘s shadow, and sat for a while. “The Temple of Nine Swords… Can I really do it? Can I live out his dream?” Soshi was confused, scared even to take up this quest, but he was driven by a fact. Reshar believed in him, and for nearly Six years, had taken him in, and had trained him. Then Soshi heard the winds pick up. He turned, and looking into the distance, saw a tree had been uprooted. “I need to get moving.” The tree was coming towards him, and as it drew within striking distance, a mighty ringing noise came across the desert as he drew Kamate, and first sliced through the tree in the middle of the bark, his blade cleanly splitting it, but it was still coming for him, and he shifted his right foot slightly, and his blade touched the sand as he span, and sliced along the width of the tree. It blew apart as he twisted his blade at the last minute and batted part of it aside.

The Desert winds blew, and he stepped among them, the sand flying in the distance, and the sharp smell of Ash in the air, from the fire he had snuffed but moments ago. A Sandstorm in the Night, a deadly foe. He faced it head on, Black armour buffeted by Sand and grit. He wrapped his swords, Kamate, and Supernal Clarity in his blanket. “I cannot sleep in this weather. I would be buried and dead before I woke.” He knew of the way Silt killed a man, drying him out from the inside, leaving naught but a spectre of a being. “I am not going to die, just because of a foolish mistake.” He heard the wind howling harder, and moved his Bandana, his hair flying free, over his mouth, before the Silt, the Salt sands, really kicked up. “I wish I had my Helmet…” He reached behind him, remembering he carried that artefact of his past, and with reluctance donned it. Now able to breathe with little trouble, Soshi departed back up the dunes.

The Sand gave way, and recalling a movement within the Iron Heart, he danced up the slope with less difficulty among the shifting sands. A Buffeting wind forced him to concentrate as the Diamond Mind dictated, and soon, he was to the tope of the dune. More awaited, and he looked to it no longer as an obstacle, but a challenge. Nothing more than a test of his skill and devotion to the way. Nature’s Sublime attempt to force evolution. He would prevail. “I will be as the Desert wind.” Black hair blew, and Gray eyes glinted as he faced this storm head on. He remembered everything Reshar had taught him, and He was not afraid any longer. “A Heart of Iron, and a Mind of Diamond know no Fear and know no Pain.”

Soshi - Hmm... Well, the length is okay. There are a few parts that are a bit choppy. I'd recommend reading the post back to yoruself; it'll help you catch stuff like that. Also, you could have gone in a bit more in depth with his feelings. It's not bad, but these are things to keep in mind as you go along in the RP. All in all, good job. ACCEPTED

Display Name: Gen Bai Ru
Age: 22
Gender: Male

The sun was fresh on the horizon, and its orange glow illuminated the bedroom of a young high school student, it was at this time the subtle beeping began. It was soft at first, and the boy in the bed beside it would stir only slightly. The longer he didn't move the louder the alarm continued its beeping. BEEP BEEEP BEEEEEP, click! His hand fell down onto the bedside clock, the snooze button suppressing the sound for now.

Pushing the bedspread aside he sat up, his hair a mess on one side, he had classes today, and according to the calender haphazardly hung on the bedroom door, today's date was circled and marked in red. 'Exams begin' He would sigh and push his feet into a pair of simple slippers. His mind still warm with the images of the dream he had been having when he was so rudely awoken by the incessant beeping of the bedside clock.

As he thought about it he let a small smile cross his lips, it had been a good dream, one like many others that flitted through the minds of teen boys. He collected his uniform and other needed garments for the day the dream becoming harder and harder to recall as he became more awake, He tried to force himself to remember the dream bu- BEEP BEEEEP BEEEEEP, he was again interrupted by the alarm.

He jumped a bit in place almost dropping the cloths in his arms, glaring at the clock he tossed his cloths onto the bed and picked it up to turn it off, fumbling with it and squinting his eyes a bit as he did so. It was still so early to him and his vision was already impaired without his glasses. Finally finding the needed off button he dropped the alarm back onto the table, and began to dress for the day. The dream now gone from his mind with no hopes of recovery.

Downstairs breakfast was waiting for him, as was common, but he wasn't so hungry today, exams always made him lose his appetite, though he grabbed toast on his way out. Nibbling the lightly browned bread he worked on controlling his hair, coming it out as he walked with a lazy pace. He wasn't exactly in a hurry to go take exams.

His hair would cooperate after some work, and he finished his toast just as e arrived on the platform to take his train to school, swiping is pass he made his way onto the train pushing through the average crowd though unable to find a seat. The different scents from cologne and perfumes, to the simple scents of soaps and old train car, it was a bit much for his pleasure but he suffered through it. There really wasn't much else he could do. After the 15 minute ride, he got off, taking a deep breath as he reached the street, his school could be seen in the distance, and the exams loomed ever more apparent with each step that he took to get closer to his destination.

Passing through the school gates he hurriedly walked into the building stopping only briefly at his shoe locker to drop of his shoes. He could listen to the muttered whisperings around him, exam day was an important day for everyone. Closing the small locker he slipped his feet into his school slippers and headed off to class, though something was starting to bother him. It wasn't until he got into the classroom however did he realize what it was that had began to bother him.

"I forgot my bag..."

He smacked himself on the forehead with the palm of is hand, and sat in his chair with a flop, arms at his side he looked up at the ceiling. A train ride away, upstairs in a small family house, in the room of a young teenage boy, on the wooden desk, sat a simple black book bag with silver buckle on its front, stuck to it was a yellow post-it, it read.

'Don't forget your books, you left them out downstairs last night, I packed everything up for you. Good luck today~!

Love,
Mom'

Gen Bai Ru - It's obvious from the post that you've had some experience with writing, and you did a good job writing description for something so simple. I will, however, point out that it probably would have been best if you'd choosen that had a little more... emotion in it, you know, instead of such a standard post. This one didn't leave you much room for your character to have any emotions, not really. Also, you never said what this boy looked liked, or what his name was - stuff you probably should have included. I will say that your post is ACCEPTED on the condition that your emotions fall along the same writing standards as this post suggests.

Display Name: Sawora
Age: 17
Gender: Female

White Koi was abundant in the Si Wong desert. It was an unassuming little blossom that clung to the shallow top soil in those rare, shady patches where the sand was cool. Adiva sometimes paused beneath the blushing sky to gather these flowers in the small hours of the morning. It was not for their beauty that she did, but for their petals. The paper thin blossoms created a wonderfully effective sleeping poultice when crushed. This is what made them an integral part of the poison she'd invented. It was not a poison that meant death, but it could paralyze a person for hours, and give them horrible hallucinations at the same time.

Whenever her father was not abroad on his visits to the neighbouring villages, he would send her out to harvest White Koi, as well as a variety of other herbs and weeds. He was a healer who knew the desert's medicinal resources better than anyone, but was always too tired to retrieve his own supplies. Or at least, this is what he told her. Adiva had a sneaking suspicion that this was his way of teaching her a small aspect of his trade.

He'd been away for five months now, which was new record, but Adiva was accustomed to feeling like an orphan. She enjoyed wandering out into the deserts before sunrise and feeling sorry for herself. Gathering the flowers up in a veil that served as an apron, she could walk for hours without seeing a soul. Here it was barren and desperate, yet perfectly balanced. Here was an ecosystem that survived with so little. Here, she belonged. Adiva could look out at the shining mirages that wavered on the distant horizon and see her childhood reflected there. She'd grown up like the White Koi and the cacti; months of drought and waiting, then finally the rains would come, and all was right for a little while. She had to store the memories like water during those dry spells.

Adiva plucked up the wilted bloom at her feet and put it with the others. This was enough for one day. Looking up, she could see the sun rising red and hot, swirling with orange tendrils. She had enough flowers for several batches of her poison, and two skins of cactus juice, but she still needed one last ingredient. She only hoped that she had time.

This was her least favourite part of the whole process. Finding and catching the snake was hard enough, but milking it was the worst. Unlike the first time she'd encountered a Si Wong flat snake, Adiva had antivenin. It was not a fatal venom, but when it flowed through the blood stream, it brought a paralysis that could last for half an hour.

Adiva tried her luck by returning to the same burrow where she'd found a snake a week ago, although she had some trouble finding it again. It was a small hole that had surely been dug by some sort of rodent, but its previous tenants had been evicted long ago. That was the way in the desert. You built a home and hoped to the spirits that no one invaded.
Adiva brushed a stray strand of dark hair from her face and knelt down by the burrow, careful not to spill her flowers. Whenever it was that the snake appeared, she would need her mobility, so she undid the veil wrapped around her waist and tied up the bundle of flowers, setting it gently down beside her. Then, without taking her eyes off the hole, she took a small jar off her belt and spared a glance to make sure it was in order. There was a thin skin pulled tightly over the jar, and it already had a number of puncture marks on its surface. Suddenly, she heard the smallest disturbance of sand and looked up. There it was. Long, flat, and speckled, the snake was sliding slowly through the long grass, tongue flicking ahead of it.

Adiva let her instincts take over and lunged forward, grabbing it by the head. There was no room for fear or hesitation. Its tail was flailing, but she had it firmly in her grasp. In one quick movement, she hooked its top jaw onto the jar and let its fangs puncture the skin. The glands released the venom and it quickly collected in the jar. Adiva released the snake carefully, and backed away gingerly as it slithered somewhat bewildered back into its burrow.

The young girl let out a sigh and picked up her things. By now the sun was climbing rapidly, and she would be expected back at the camp. Reaching for her water skin, she found that it was empty, and all her anxieties rushed back. The short leash had run out, and her masters were tugging her back.

Adiva trudged along a trail of rocks that she herself had made in one of her first excursions out into the desert. The heat nipped at her neck, and she drew the purple veil closer about her head. The shrubs began to grow denser, and the soil darker. Stunted trees started to appear, and they were thin and dry as skeletons. Almost there. She could see other workers at their cacti, and in the distance - the fenced off camp with the fire nation flag flying high. She could even here it snapping in the hot breeze.

She had no collar and no chain, but Adiva knew well that she was a prisoner in her own home. As soon as she got back to camp, the soldiers would take what little cactus juice she'd collected, and hopefully they wouldn't find the skin she would be hiding for herself. Then they would demand why she'd brought back the flowers, and she'd play stupid and say that she thought they were pretty. If she was lucky, they would not take a handful of the blooms and stomp them into the ground. Then maybe, just maybe, she would make it back to the shack she shared with five others, and make the poison that would one day help them all escape.

Sawora - Hmm, I'm wondering why you did this. You did do it before, correct? (Don't respond in thread, please, if you want to respond at all.) Anyway, your post was a good, though I'll give you a slight warning to watch your emotions, as they were absent a lot. It's evident that you know how to write and that you're good at it. Something to keep in mind ACCEPTED

Display Name: Shijin
Age: 20
Gender: Female

The young knight walked alone through his home world taking his time as he wondered. He was wearing his usual clothing: black shorts, jacket, hat, with of course the addition of his own, oh so very well known, goggles. Then there was the additional yellow added to all his clothing, after all need some way of telling him apart from his brother. Although now wasn't the time to think about that. It was a sad enough day, and the last thing he wanted was to add to his sorrows.

Today was the 9th anniversary of his father's death. Something Yoshi wished he would never have to come to, especially after he learned just how he was killed. It was a horrid day for him, he could even remember when his father’s ship was found drifting through space as it did. His father's stiff body was lying on the ground, while his brother was no where to be found. The young knight remembered how it felt to lose everything. Though his heart broke a second time when he learned the truth of what happened on that vessel. A sigh escaped the keybearer's mouth as he thought, 'It's all in the past it's all in the past,' Yoshi thought to himself. Although no matter how many times he said it he could never truly get over his brother.

The young knight passed by the hole in the wall that lead to the abandon mansion. Crimson eyes just staring as old memories flowed into his mind, images of him and his brother sneaking into the forest for the fun of it flashing through his mind, along with old memories of when they were hiding from an angry neighbor after pulling a prank. Yoshi smiled as he allowed the memories to follow through his mind. Though he needed to get things done with here so he could return to the academy afterward. Wasting no time, Yoshi continued on, taking the time to stop by the flower shop before heading to the grave yard. There he watched as some family members were there to morn for their fallen as well. Well at least he wasn't alone in his pain.

Passing a few graves Yoshi arrived at his father's tombstone, a frown appearing on his face as he noticed yet another new mark on the stone. 'Damn it Ashi,' he cursed in his mind knowing the scars were his brother’s doing. Like himself, his twin also visited this place once a year. Although every time he was here he seemed to enjoy adding a new mark on their father's grave. Wasn't the satisfaction of killing him enough? Couldn't he just leave the only memorial they had of their father alone? 'Well considering the scars I guess not,' he answered himself as he set down the flowers before taking a seat in front of the tomb.

"I know you didn't attack him willingly dad, there has to be some explanation," he spoke to the grave, as if his father could hear him. His heart containing one shiver of hope that his father's spirit would come in front of him and explained what happened that night nine years ago. To explain just what it was that made his brother into the monster he was today.

Shijin - I guess I should have mentioned that you didn't have to do this, since you did it before... Good to know that you haven't lost it, though. I will say, though, that you could have gone a bit more in depth. Your post was good, don't get me wrong, but it felt a bit... I don't know... guarded. You were clear, I only felt that you have drawn out his feelings a bit more, really make me feel what he was feeling. Good, though, just keep that in mind. ACCEPTED

Display Name: Hijikata
Age: 19
Gender: Male

The ebony skies made the scene felt brood; the surface, filtered in fog. For many days this area held away from the light. As well kept at arm’s length from the stars and moon. Abhoring their radiance for a darker calling. Much of daytime shifted poorly by rain, storms, and murk. Much of nighttime became recurring like an eternal abyss. Time became void. Eventually anyone's ability to read from morning, afternoon, and evening turned desolate in accuracy and bound by guesses; mythical in their proportions.

Lost in direction but never held back by its leading trifles, Xaio Li steps into the thick, dusky meadows making way a short, new path with a presence having nothing to fear but the unyielding cycles of fate. Which it is the key guiding him day after day. With a face bearing a feature unshaken, of principal; a power to unbalance even the most untamed catastrophic earthquakes. Extinguish the inner flame with a miniscule lift with his eyes, and unfathomable hazel glare.

Eyes low, kept steadily straight to continue his march. To mention his look is that of someone simply proud would be an understatement. Embarrassing. Blasphemous even. The unmasking of his legendry will surely fit the bill as the ends of his ponytail, black shirt and three bangs catch the winds on key.

He sighed. If only there had been a theme song... it would be perfect.

With no one around to tug and manifest pain to his prized ears, but a sense to reflect the possibilities, he caresses them before replacing his ears with silvery earrings to signify one amongst of the Water Tribe of the northern hemisphere.

If there was a only second for him to pass by in this foggy plane... he could have stopped time for a slight second with his magnificence. However, because there was a wall of stone already in collision with his nose... all he could do was... first, fall and succumb to both the common sensation of pain and the force of gravity. Second, remember of something important there has to be done...

Remember...

Remember...

The wall appears odd. It sits in the middle of this field. Somehow he is able to control the wall without another force trying to subside; as though he summoned it from the earth himself. Now everything is neat, feeling accomplished he continues.

Snap.

"How could there be a roots..."

Looking down, he notices those aren't roots. They are his friend's pendants.

Xiao Li turns and discovers Koi on the ground, knocked out. He kneels down and grabs her with his head low, the skin feels as cold as winter. That simple touch brought voices in his head. Is it a memory? Or has he really improved his creativity? Or does he now know he has DID.



"Oh no... are they opening? ..."

Another flash drfited by in heavenly light.

Now he remembers. The wall, the girl... Although there is no wall, and no girl... he remembers. The pain before and after. The loss of a friend, the memories of her dragging him by the ear. Although unaware of solid facts of it being his fault, he knew it was his fault. Thoughts of him to listen, see, trying to take action did not come to reality.

This spot, it is a grave. This spot, it is him who is to be blame for the fate of someone else. It is his murder. His spot to grief, camp, and reminisce for the following streams of distorted fluctuations of many foggy nights and stormy days.

hijikata - Shio and I were both confused by your sample. Neither one of us got where you were going with it in the first half, and I wasn't too clear on the second half, either. Also, there some fragments. I'm sorry to say that your post didn't flow very well, because of what I mentioned. I think that you need a little more practice, so, please, do another one. DENIED

Display Name:Kiari Mitzuki
Age:15
Gender:Male

A young boy sighed as he flopped down in a chair with a loud thump. He did not even mind that it actually hurt is rear and lower back. The boy was just angry about his band that had just gone to a party, his band he brought together. Dan did not mind going to parties and having fun but his band had recently gotten the idiotic thought that they were actually popular and famous, not they weren't but just not on a national scale. The young boy let out another sigh as he stared up at his blank white ceiling. He stood up from the chair and walked across the carpeted floor trying his best to avoid the numerous garments of clothing, DVD cases, and not to mention magazines that were strewn all across the ground. Dan saw more things on the ground than the fuzzy dark blue carpet but he was too lazy to clean up anything.

The boy had made his way to a guitar stand which stood out from most of his stuff because it looked very clean and wasn't on the floor. Dan grabbed his electric guitar and made his way back to his unkempt bed and sat down on it bouncing a few times as the bed made squeaking noises due to the old springs inside the mattress. Shifting over a few blankets and sheets the boy tried to make himself as comfortable as possible before lying down on the bed with his legs dangling over the edge of his bed almost touching the t-shirt that was there.

Dan began plucking at the guitar rehearsing a song he had made wondering if his friends were having fun without him. Dan's friend didn't even care that Dan had rejected the invitation; they just ignored him and left. The boy thought about leaving but that would seem like a very rude thing to do, not to mention a bit immature. He continued to play the song until he finished but it wasn't even close to the same feeling with the instrument plugged into an amp with the drums and bass guitar to accompany it, not to mention the vocals. His fingers throbbed slightly after pushing down the thin metal strings on the fret board, but he didn't care that they hurt a bit, he still felt a bit left out since his band had deserted him. The boy knew it wasn't entirely his fault but his band should have stayed faithful to their leader instead of going out with a couple of random of people and 'fan girls' whom Dan thought were chicks who wanted the attention of being around a semi-famous band. The farthest they had gone was a couple cities across and had their own channel on the internet with a steady stream of fans but not in overwhelming numbers. Dan planned to wait it out for a bit more, maybe his band would get over their prideful selves so the band would be able to get at least two rehearsals a week.

The boy practiced on the guitar for a bit before giving a call to one his friends at the party. Like he had expected there was no answer. Mumbling some curses under his breath Dan put his guitar back on the holder, this time not caring if he stepped on dirty clothes and magazine. The only thing he avoided was a video game case because he knew the CD was still inside the case. Dan flopped down on his bed for the second time and closed his eyes; he felt tired and had nothing better to do. His band would come back the next day; hopeful unless they go off to hang out with more 'fan girls', then Dan would have some problems.

Kirai - I talked to Shio. He and I agreed that you certainly know how to write; your post shows that. However, he and I were both that concerned that - while well written - msot of the middle part seems to have no purpose. The lines that are important are tied in with a bunch of other stuff that bogs it down. I assume that you were just having him do something, but some of it didn't come off as... well, tied to the rest of the post. Considering this is your second app - and your writing ability is not in question - we have decided to ACCEPT your app, under the condition that you watch relevance from now, and make sure to tie in everything to everything else, so that it flows.

Display Name: Kosha
Age: 17
Gender: Male

Stars. Slowly, one by one, like fireflies pinned in place, they appeared in the night sky. Just in time, too, for the moon had just begun its nightly ascent into the sky. It was a soothing tableau, the faint glow of the large orb coupled with the numerous sharp, piercing pricks of light that the heavens provided.

The sound of crashing waves reached Kosha’s ears, his nose filled with the smell of salt-water. He wasn’t sure if he was awake or asleep at the moment. The young man was aware of himself, though at the same time felt detached. The boat’s slow, gentle, rhythmic rocking made him feel like a child in a cradle, a newborn in his mother’s arms, being gently allowed to drift off to sleep.

As he lay there on the boat, slowly drifting towards foreign shores, Kosha felt strangely relaxed. Not simply because of the ocean’s gentle rocking, nor because of the night sky above him, but for some reason he couldn’t divine. He was leaving his home, his people, and everything he’d once held dear. He was leaving behind everything he knew and understood in favor of a large world filled with the unknown. He should be scared. He should worried. He should, at the very least, be anxious. But no, he wasn’t. Somehow, he managed to keep his cool, to just allow the boat to hold him, allow the sea to push him. One way or another, things would work out. He would get where he needed to go, see what he needed to see, and do what needed to be done. Why agonize himself worrying over every detail?

Slowly, he truly drifted off to sleep, leaving behind the Northern Water Tribe for the first time since his birth.

Kosha - You're a good writer. I want to tell you that first off. I also want to apologize for not posting this the day you replied. Now, while - as I said - you writing is good, and you also have some nice imagery in your post, I finished reading it feeling a bit confused. I had no idea what your character looked like at the end, nor did I have any idea why he was he leaving. It caused me to scratch my head. I debated it for a while, but after discussing with Shio & Ai Lin, we agreed that you need to re-do the Exemptions. You can either re-do this one or do a Prompt. Sorry, but your post has been DENIED.

Name:Kaato

Age:16

Gender: Male

Roleplay Sample:

Kaato strode through a small town in the Earth Kingdom. The six foot tall earthbender was mad at himself. He was mad that he had left his family alone and unprotected from the army. Now they were dead. The hooded man thought about this as he walked through the town. He didn't care what it was called or how close to Ba Sing Se it was. He just wanted to find a place to stay for the night. From underneath his hood, a pair of fiery green eyes flicked from one side of the street to the other. If anyone stares at me for more than five seconds, their head is going through the nearest roof. he thought as people glanced his way and quickly averted their gaze. The earthbender was an alien to them. He stood six feet in the air and wore unusual clothes. His face was concealed by the bangs that he had let grow out and the hood that concealed his identity. The green eyed man hated the look people gave him when they saw his face.

Kaato made it to an inn at the edge of town without incident. That's when a burly man stepped up in front of him blocking his path. What does he want? he thought as he tried to pass the man. With all of the politeness he could muster Kaato said, "Excuse me sir. Could you please move before I have to hurt you?" The man looked at him and laughed. It was true that Kaato looked only partially like a fighter. The earthbender was strong in his arms and legs, but not his upper body.

Kaato looked down at the man who had finally stopped laughing. The man looked down and replied, "You? Hurt me? Now that I would like to see!" The intruders tone then became serious, "Pay your passing fine and be on your way."

Kaato thought, Passing fine?! This guy is really going to get it. He looked at the man. "Would the passing fine happen to be this?"He said as he shifted his foot into an earthbending stance and doing an uppercut motion with his arm. A column of earth appeared beneath the mans feet. He flew into the air out of the doorway and Kaato continued on his way into the small inn. From outside, people gawked at where the man had stood just a few seconds before. The unusual earthbender payed for a room and walked out of the main room to hear a cracking as the man fell through the roof. Not my problem. he thought as he disappeared into a doorway.